Okay so its Sunday and its raining and I don't hate it one bit. Other than having had to commute back to my apartment this morning after sleeping drunkeness away at Ellie's. I am sitting in the one spot in my whole apartment that gets internet and I feel that just one portrait of me sitting here can capture a lot of my life these days. Whoa, after typing this I can see how pathetic that sounds. ouch. But its not, I'm serious!
So how is life going? Welllllllll.....obviouslyyyyyyy....great. I cannot believe the holiday season is creeping and I will be here. I am no stranger to being away from family for the holidays but now I feel even more disconnected. I envision this Christmas to be filled a lot of food. Now that I have started cooking really great (?) meals I can see myself in the kitchen all day with a beautiful bedazzled apron and high heels slaving away making the most fabulous Christmas dinner. Unfortunately, those I love are not going to be here to enjoy this and my dinner so far consists of ONE. How sad. womp womp womp.
My feelings lately (omg how lame "feelings") have been a mess. I am fucking homesick. I cannot believe that this is a feeling I have as I have never been homesick before but I guess my due date for homesickness hit me right after 4 months of being away. I cannot imagine going back to Boston and living a normal life back there. I CANNOT. But for some seconds/minutes/hours of each day I think of myself walking down the streets I love so much and being alone and just walking aimlessly. It brings me much comfort to imagine myself in that "space" but it is not something I desire in reality. Does this make any sense? Oh well.
So work is great, fashion is great, the city is shit, the people are shit, the weather is shit. What is there to like about Milan? I don't even know. I wish there was a special charm but as of late I have not found it. I know I like my life here, it is a fabulous life indeed but its with no help of this city.
I never know how to end things
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